Hydration Wars

Basically I hate water. It's flavorless, it's boring, and I need it to survive. It's a cruel world.

But apparently I'm not alone in my disdain. A remarkably reliable internet source (wikipedia) states that researchers estimate 75% of humans are chronically dehydrated. Seventy-five percent?? What, does Diet Coke not count? Somebody call and tell McDonalds!

My personal battle with water has been raging as long as I can remember, and so probably, has my dehydration. Can I help it that juice is like a bazillion times better? It tastes like candy! AND its good for you! ...Okay it's not as bad for you as soda! It's the ultimate drink. Water can never compare.

My mom was probably aware of my unnatural love for all things juice, and hatred of water. Because whenever we piled all five kids into the 1980 white astro-van for a road trip, Mom assumed her role as the snack-and-drink-rationer with devotion. Once, probably on the way to or from our annual Canadian vacation, as I eyed the Costco case of Snapple bottles I asked Sergeant Mom if I could have one. Her response was that I needed to drink a few water bottles before I had any more juice (lame). So what did I do? I promptly drank a few water bottles. Within five minutes. Apparently that's not what she meant. Because apparently after denying your system water for that many years, it isn't quite sure what to do with that much of it at once. And apparently nobody likes you when you make Dad pull over every fifteen minutes for the next three hours because you have to pee. 

Lesson learned water. Next time sneak the Snapple without asking Mom.

Unfortunately for the rest of my life whenever I did drink water it was in a similar fashion. Because if you have to get hydrated, do it like ripping off a band-aid right? Chug! Chug! Chug!

And even though now i'm old and married and infinitely wiser, I still love juice just as much. So maybe marriage didn't provide me with infinite wisdom. But you know what it did provide me with? Love handles! And thus a renewed fervor to get in shape. Part of which, as much as it pains me, is increasing my water consumption. So with my husband and my new dedication to conquer my watery foe, I set off to a sporting goods store. And bought THIS.

                                      

My new best friend. I must say the bite-and-drink idea is flawless. If you are a fan of absent-mindedly chewing on objects, this water bottle is for you! I have never been more hydrated or constantly entertained!

And the best part of my new hydration? Turns out it helps your eating habits too. As part of my internet water research I learned that the body's need for water often feels like a need for food. So remember those love handles? Two birds with one stone! This is so amazing I made a flow chart about it!

You're Welcome World!
And so it is I am WINNING these hydration wars. One equal water-to-juice ratio at a time.

fifty percent

For Better or Worse.

Few people take seriously the promises they make in marriage.
Luckily I did not make promises when I got married.

I made covenants.

I believe that a covenant is a contract with terms set by God, designed to allow Him to provide us with greater happiness. Happiness in marriage, happiness in life, and most importantly, happiness that lasts forever. That kind of promise merits any sacrifice on my part. And so when things go from better to worse, as they inevitably will in life, I will not be among the fifty percent of marriages that forfeit their forever. 

For Time and All Eternity. 

I won't give up.

This is my spring post.

I wrote a post about Spring. Turns out, it's actually a poem.


Sometimes I wonder why the world has quit.

What has she seen to beg so long a mourning?

And does she know the effect of her hiding?

When growth will cease so will healing.

So in her sleep she must not have seen.

But I see.

When cold is familiar it gets in your heart.

And gray stains your eyes.

And I might start to think

That the world is mourning me,

If I don't look and feel

Finally, 

Finally Spring.